Don't worry: I didn't put a picture on this blog article!

A few weeks ago, a dear friend posed a metaphorical question: How much douche could a douchebag douche if a douchebag could douche douche? And I texted her immediately, asking if she was responding to an email from our prior head honcho.

So...I posed the question to my loyal facebook fans: How do you know your manager is a "big fizzy douche" (to coin a musical number in Chuck Lorre's ingenious and always entertaining show, "Two and a Half Men"? The response was overwhelming, and emails are still coming in.

So, with no further ado, are you, or do you have, a DOUCHE BOSS? Here is a Top 10 Get Hired and Beyond Exclusive List!

10. You take no accountability for your team, point fingers, and blame others for your disinterest and inadequacy.
9. You treat your employees as objects, rather than humans. This is especially true and especially disgusting at termination time. 
8. You lie or make false promises, including (but not limited to): promises of raises and promotions which the company cannot back up (and you are well aware of the carrot you dangle.)
7. Instead of focusing on employee accomplishments, you nitpick the 3 minutes someone is late because they are stuck in traffic, commuting half an hour or more, to get to your stress-filled crap zone of despair. (Ok, maybe that's one of my personal contributions.)
6. You speak to your subordinates as though they were minions. Or small, stupid children. Or small, stupid minions. Being demeaning and demoralizing is a very douche way to talk to individuals you personally hired for skill and expertise.
5. You don't delegate work appropriate for the staff you hired because nobody will do it as well as you do, thereby making very intelligent people fixate on mediocre crap.
4. You devalue anything in your employees' lives besides work and expect them at your beck and call, at minimum wage, around the clock. (Right, Boss from #7?)
3. You are too self absorbed to notice that morale has gone down the toilet, faster than your team can say "Douche!"
2. You rule through a culture of intimidation, rather than a culture of respect. Yeah, that sucks on the receiving end!
1. You ask a minimum wage employee for a personal loan, then threaten to penalize the person since they did not provide you with said loan. (I actually heard that from someone this week, and think that takes the KING DOUCHE CROWN!)

Sorry to have offended anyone with the repeated usage of the word "douche'. Please feel free to take creative license when sharing with others, and change to ass-hat, crap-nozzle, jerkoff, or any other term that truly encompasses the ultimate douche-ness of a prior (or current) boss. 

Feel free to share in comments or privately how your boss has been a huge douche to you! Your anonymous quote may make it into an upcoming blog!

I shall now go burst into the musical number made famous by Walden Schmidt and Alan Harper! And...I can't sing!
 
 
Due to some recent unexpected and tragic circumstances, I had to take a bit of time off of writing here. However, I am back! And today, I am going to share with you why you need to stop complaining and stop making excuses about being unemployed and underemployed.

Life is going on all around you. People ARE getting jobs every day. How? They network. They apply. They do not complain to people who they meet about how bad the market is, but sell themselves as assets to a hiring company! Therein lies the difference between the career unemployed and someone who is on the verge of the next great opportunity!

The difference between success and failure is the level of activity and effort you provide to your search. Nobody is currently sitting in their executive office wondering when your resume will work its way across your desk. You are your own priority and no one else’s! Take accountability for and control of your search! Take responsibility and ownership, because no one, not even your recruiters, care as much about your livelihood as you do. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it is a fact!

Yes, I am angry right now. I am depressed and frustrated! But I am still working, still providing, still doing what I need to do to ensure my family is fed and that there is a roof over our heads. Do the same!!! Work some magic. Apply to 2 more jobs than you really feel like. Get dressed professionally and head to a job fair or networking event.

Or don’t. But when you don’t, the only person to blame is you!